Updated: Dec 28, 2021
If you find yourself feeling drained and consistently getting hurt in your relationships, chances are you might be in an unhealthy connection and you are just TOO F***ING NICE to do anything about it.
Your tendency to people-please is burning out your energy and confidence every day. It's time to re-evaluate things...
People-pleasing is such a common trait of the Unhealed Empath, but also one of the most powerful shadow aspects of ourselves that we can grow from! Once we step into this part of ourselves and start to integrate it, we can experience a deeper level of peace, confidence, and stability within ourselves that we never knew existed!
It is all about discovering our true power and taking action from that space!
People-pleasing is often the reason we get trapped into unhealthy relationships or toxic dynamics with others in our lives. It can even be why we attract certain types of people because we emit a resonance through our energy field on a subconscious level that lets others know we are easy prey!
If we want to start changing the people pleaser's dynamic, we have to look at ourselves first and decide how to take our power back (even though it technically never left us in the first place and we only forgot how to use it).
But where do we start?
How can we move on from toxic relationships without hurting anyone involved?
Well, we can start by deciding to take care of our needs first and recognize that it’s not always a clean break. It’s about staying true to yourself first and making decisions based on compassion for both parties.
Our tendency to please people may actually be at the core of why our relationships aren't healthy and balanced. We have to examine things from a place of objectivity. We have to decide where we stand and what we need. This takes a great deal of introspection to know ourselves and also how to change if necessary. The willingness to change is where we begin to step into our power!
Sometimes taking our power back means removing people from our lives. We may have gotten so deep into giving ourselves to another person that in order to see how to change the situation, we have to step away (at least for a while).
Stepping out of an unhealthy relationship doesn’t always mean completely removing ourselves from the person, but sometimes it does, depending on the situation. Having limited contact helps us to maintain our boundaries and safety in the connection so that we have a chance to grow.
This is one of the biggest shifts I help my clients make on their journey to evolve!
Because I have shifted out of people-pleasing and began honoring myself first every day! (I'm not perfect at it by any means)
One of my clients in this past year had found themselves in this exact people-pleasing scenario in several relationships and began to recognize that it is just not working anymore. She was anxious, drained, and frustrated. Her desire to take care of others' needs first was really the last thread keeping her stuck in these relationships. My client wanted to grow and evolve but staying in these toxic connections makes it damn near impossible to do so.
By helping her get clear about her needs and desires, we began to cultivate the energy to make the shift. Then by setting clear and healthy boundaries, she created space to examine the relationship from a broader perspective. From there she was able to get clarity about the relationship and recognize that it was not going to serve her growth (at least for now).
She has now since made room for healthier relationships that will serve the next phase of growth for her and is able to bring more self-awareness about this pattern of people-pleasing moving forward. As a result, she is clearer, happier, and more energized in her life!!
You are probably a people pleaser ready to change if you are reading this. Just know that it really is possible to change. You will begin to feel much more happy, joyous, and free when you learn to shift out of this pattern!
If your people-pleasing tendencies have gotten out of hand in your relationships, here are some questions to ask yourself:
-Do I feel better or worse after spending time with this person?
-Do I give more than I receive on a consistent basis?
-Can I speak freely and honestly about my feelings in this connection?
-Is this relationship helping me grow?
Take some time to answer these questions about your current relationships and get clear on what it is you really want and need right now in your life. It might seem selfish at first (because we people pleasers are overly compassionate), but your needs are SO important!
When you discover what you really deserve in life, people-pleasing will be a thing of the past. You will learn to love every part of yourself unconditionally, expect and get the best out of every relationship!!