"Death ends a life, not a relationship."
-Mitch Albom
On February 15th, 2015, I lost my mother as a result of suicide. Our complicated relationship left me with conflicting feelings about her death. On one hand, I was relieved that she no longer had to suffer (which she deeply did) and on the other hand, how was I to reconcile the loss of the nurturing Mother that I never got to have a deep or meaningful connection with?
As a child, I saw my mother as my primary nurturer who gave me space to be my most authentic self which all children truly need. Looking back, I really looked to her more than anyone else to feel cared for and understood. In many ways, I saw my mother as the only family member that I truly felt seen by. My parents had divorced when I was around 13, so I didn’t get to see my mother as much into my high school years. Later, into college, my mother began to deeply struggle with depression, addiction, and bad relationships. This caused a lot of strain in our relationship and because of her challenges, I kept my distance from her. Trying to maintain any type of connection with her while caring for myself felt like an impossible task. Needless to say, there wasn’t room for a healthy relationship before her passing.
About a month before my 32nd birthday, I got the news that she had taken her own life. I was filled with a mix of emotions. Confusion, despair, grief, and even a bit of relief. I was deeply saddened by her passing and began to seek out answers that could lead me to understand her situation a bit better.
My journey to healing that relationship had just begun.
The hardest part was grieving not just her death, but the loss of the bond I had hoped to build with her. Her passing forced me to confront the loss of my childhood identity and the unhealed wounds in our relationship.
About a year after her crossing over, I had reestablished my Reiki practice after taking a 2-year hiatus and that’s when things really began to change on a spiritual level for me.
Reopening my practice had allowed me to see new clients for Reiki sessions on a more regular basis. During some of these sessions I began to have very interesting and new experiences. I began to feel, sense, and see (in my mind's eye) the presence of what seemed like a human Spirit in the room with us. The quality of their form gave me a sense that these were not Spirit Guides or Angels (which I had felt and seen before); In fact I just knew intuitively that they had been the deceased loved ones of my clients.
Deciding to trust what I was seeing, sensing, and feeling - I decided to share this information with the clients after the Reiki sessions. To both of our surprise, it was validated to me that they were indeed people in their lives that they were close to and who had crossed over. Not only was I able to provide a detailed description of their loved one, but also a significantly useful message to be shared with my client. I could see the relief and healing come over my clients as I shared what was being offered. In a very synchronistic turn of events, the same type of experience happened with 2 more clients in a row. I started to think something important was happening here.
I began to wonder if in fact I might have opened up to my Mediumship abilities.
Soon after these experiences, I began to work with other Mediums and take development courses which set me on an entirely new journey with Spirit. I began to refine and develop my skills to connect with the Spirit world and communicate with them. The mediums that I developed with were able to connect with my mother in Spirit and provide me with unbelievably accurate evidence of her along with very powerful messages. Much of the things they shared about her brought me a sense of deep heartfelt peace.
I began to feel like I could connect with my mom again, just in a different way.
The more I worked with my mediumship skills; I began to feel the presence of my mother regularly and experienced a great deal of comfort from that. As I continued to create a conscious effort to connect with her spirit, I realized that she wanted to love and support me in ways that she was unable to when she had been on the earth plane. I was able to sense her Spirit showing up in times of need as well as in shared celebration of the joyful moments in my life, which reminded be that our connection never disappeared - it had simply transformed.
I was able to heal and grieve through the layers of loss from the difficult relationship with my mother in an entirely different way. I could see her life and her struggles through a completely different lens. I was more aware of her essence beyond the physical confines of our earthly life.
The healing I received through my mediumship journey didn’t just stop at the relationship with my mother in Spirit. I have even been able to develop and maintain contact with other friends and family who have crossed over, feeling their support and connection from the other side. Mediumship has also helped me really learn to trust myself, to trust Spirit, and to trust the Universe which has significantly changed the way I approach my life these days.
Let’s face it, death and loss, although natural, is very difficult for the living to process. We may deal with unanswered questions, unresolved relationships, and even a loss of our own identity. Grief in itself, for any reason, can be a lot to navigate. Having a connection to the spirit of our loved ones, and feeling their love and support, can aid our grief in deeply profound ways just as it had for me.
Today I am honored to help others connect to their loved ones in Spirit as they explore their own journey through grief and loss. Through Mediumship readings, group demonstrations, and development classes, I've witnessed how profoundly healing these connections can be. Supporting others on this journey has not only deepened my trust in Spirit but has also reinforced the understanding that love transcends all boundaries, even death.
Although my mother is not here in the physical world, her presence in Spirit has taught me it is never too late to heal, grow, and rebuild love in new ways.
I am deeply grateful for this path, for the healing it has brought to me and others, and the relationship with Spirit that allows me to share the gift of Mediumship with the world.
Comments